Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize