So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
