i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
