its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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