Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
