if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
