ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I need to stop coming to work sober
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
