the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Text me some of your sweat
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
