He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
