Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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