I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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