My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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