i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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