remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
