I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
