If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
