My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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