Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
