Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
