the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
