how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
