Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
