Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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