week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
