when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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