yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
