we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
