All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
