ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
