this is something i pride myself on being below average for
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
