hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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