I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
