If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
