I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
