Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
