she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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