For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
