i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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