right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
