if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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