Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
