I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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