No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
