in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
