At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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