can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm eating all of the evidence.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
