Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im six kinds of drunk right now
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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