"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Come on in and take your pants off
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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