and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
