There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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