Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
