Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
