My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Randomize
