Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
