Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
