I don't usually arrange sex via text message
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
