Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
