you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
