why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
