Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
