Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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