paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
