Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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