I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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