He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
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Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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