in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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