The maid of honor just puked.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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