I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
