i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
