I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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