Just mADE A PArabola og urine
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
