i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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