I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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