I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
